December 30, 2022

I remember spending New Year’s Eve with my mom ten years ago. We put on a horror movie and fell asleep before it was over. One year after that, I remember her approaching me and being unable to pronounce certain words. We didn’t know that another year would pass, and that her difficulty with language expression would be the least of our concerns.
My mom has frontotemporal dementia. Navigating this reality with her has been and continues to be a deeply emotional experience for me.
Living in a society that treats pain and death as if they were things alien to human beings, I learned to try to resist the pain that had awakened inside me, but it only intensified until I had no choice but to surrender to it. In that state of surrender, I found that pain was a doorway through which I could enter my darkness. In that darkness, I discovered many emotions that I had been resisting.
As I allowed these emotions to flow and be felt without defining them, the pain began to transform into peace.

I understood that I was not loving life when I refused the invitations it presented for me to know myself. I understood that I was not truly loving my mom when I was missing who she used to be instead of recognizing her for who she is, living with her disease, and experiencing her own life.

By allowing myself to feel all that is within me, I begin to connect with the present moment. In the present moment, I recognize our impermanence in this world and embrace the extraordinary gift that life is. By being present, I learn to communicate with my mom far beyond words, I can savor our moments together with all my senses and allow them to open my heart.

What if, in our attempt to avoid experiencing emotional pain, we also end up avoiding the experiences that enrich our lives the most?

Every human being is unique. No Life experience is identical to another. I only want to share my experience with you in case it may help you look at your own with new eyes.
Trust yourself, honor your intuition, and embrace life’s invitations to know your soul. And when your heart is broken, remember to keep allowing it to open.
🫀
Te amo hasta la pepa del alma, Manena.